Santo IV: consulation

"Flaca, I know you are educated, and sometimes the educated mind looks for ways to make sense of the things it does'nt understand about our beliefs. Many people come for consulations, and they dont understand, or believe what we tell them because they have to have it happen to them first, before they believe. You should know better than that by now. Have the consulations ever been wrong?"

"No madrina."

"Then listen, and don't think like an educated white person. You know how to do this. It's hard to change that, but take what you know as 'logic' and put it aside for now, okay? Go with what you know inside."

I nodded.

"Yemaya is sitting on you, she's right on top of you, she's talking to you. Your egguns and muertos are talking to you. They are trying to get your attention, and you keep ignoring them. You know what happens to people if they're supposed to do Santo, and they don't. They start to go crazy, and they go out of control until Santo puts them on the path they're supposed to be following. If you don't do santo you're a king or a queen without a crown. If you don't get Yemaya into your house, she's going to take you to hers. You cannot have Yemaya in your head if you're not crowned, the head can't hold all of it, it's too much for the psyche. It's too much, even if you are crowned. You Yemayas all go crazy until you do Santo. She will make you nuts, and that's what's happening to you."

I gaped in silence.


"Yemaya means 'Mother Who's Children are Fish.' Any fish that lives on land, or any creature that lives out of thier element is crazy. Have you ever seen a fish when it's taken out of the water? It's not pretty. No one ever really knows what's at the bottom of the sea, it's unknowable, and children of Yemaya are unknowable and always alone. You can't live with all of what you have in your head. Get used to what you are and who you are, it's not going to change. Santo will balance it, and you will become comfortable with it, but if you don't do Santo you will only grow more uncomfortable till you can't stand yourself. I don't know how you have managed to go as long as you have. You look like you're carrying the world on your back. I didn't recognize you when you came in. Are you sleeping at all?"


"Not much, a few hours, but I keep waking up. I feel like I'm PMSing all the time, I've been that way for months, emotional.


"Are you dreaming of her alot?"


"Yes. I never remembered my dreams much before, but the last few months, I dream so much I'm exhausted when I wake up."


"That's her, she's waking you up now, and she's not going to give you any rest either. Your eyes were closed before. She's opening them now, and you are going to start seeing things you never saw before. You are going to see things that you are not going to like. Don't close your eyes to it, OPEN YOUR EYES, Kari," she pushed her finger on my forehead, "see what's around you. Yemaya is very close to you right now. When you start to feel the tears come on for no reason, and your thoughts are driving you mad, it's because Yemaya is near. She's close to you for a reason."


"What do you mean Madrina?"


"Listen to me very carefully, you may not want to hear it or believe it. In the signals that you have, the people, or the person that has been around you are not your friends. Your best friend is your worst enemy, and you've been betrayed, and you haven't seen it yet. Somebody has played you. They played you for a fool, they took your loyalty and stabbed you in the back. This is going to feel like it's killing you, don't let it. The only reason you would ever know about it, is because your sitting here, and because Yemaya's been trying to tell you. They know how trusting you are and they used it to your disadvantage. They want all that you have. They are miserable and they want you miserable with them. Look closely, look under your own roof and in your own pockets and you will find someone who wants you alone. Yemaya has been trying to tell you. You haven't done Santo yet so you don't know to interpret the signs, you don't know what she's telling you. All you know is everything is conflama."


"What?" I stammered.

"Flaca, look at your life for the past few years. Where are your friends? Do you see them around you? Where is your family? Are you in touch with them? How much time do you spend with other people? Do you have a lover? How much time do you spend alone?"


I swallowed. She was right.


"This is not some folktale from a book, this is not something open to interpretation. Your signals are too strong. You're not going to be naive anymore. Ochun is also speaking here, and she does'nt want you to be so trusting anymore, it's a thing of the past. Ochun is taking the naivite from you. Ochun is very close now too.
Has there been any arguements or disagrements in the house in the last few months, any fighting?"


"Yes Madrina."


She puffed on her cigar and smiled.


"I bet there has. Has anyone been trying to pick fights with you, or physically made you uncomfortable?"


My mind scanned back, remembering events, things that didn't seem like much at the time.


I looked at my godmother, she looked at me.


"Don't worry, you are a child of Yemaya. No matter what happens, she is going to protect you. Yemaya will destroy anyone who tries to harm her children."


"Madrina when you say destroy, do you mean in a symbolic sense?" I always had trouble with this concept.


"No Flaca, I mean it literally. I've seen it happen. All of the orishas can harm anyone that fucks with thier children, but when Yemaya hurts someone, it's impossible to stop. Yemaya has patience and compassion but when she puts her foot down, it's over. Imagine what she would do to someone who harms her child."