Santo VI: consultation

"When you go home tonight I want you to relax and keep to yourself. At least till you do Santo. Don't let anyone anger you or upset you in your home. Stay in your room. If anyone tries to push your buttons or you hear any disgareements or fighting going on with your roommates, stay in your room. I don't care if you hear a barroom brawl going on in the other end of your apartment. If someone tries to hit you or start anything with you, you cannnot defend yourself, I forbid you. Just get away. You must stay away from any situation like that. Things are going to get worse before it gets better. Don't freak out when I tell you this. Just remember to hold on, it will pass. It's going to get bad, I wont lie to you. But you have to remember that it's going to pass. Look at me." She held my chin between her thumb and forefinger. "I'm not speaking in metaphor here, this is very real. Don't misunderstand what I tell you. Keep your head down Kari. Santo is coming and the Orisha is clearing out all the crap in your life to make way for what's coming. Sometimes it cleans out things we want to keep. Things we don't want to let go of. Let it go, you have to learn to let it all go. When you do Santo your body is no longer your own. Yemaya will own your body. And Yemaya will take you where she wants to go. It can be a very jarring experience. This is the part of Santo that's very hard to come to terms with. You dont have a choice, the Orisha has claimed you. You're not going to do Santo because it's a lifestyle choice, it's in your spiritual DNA. You were born to this."


I felt sick. "Madrina, it can't get any worse."


"Yes it can, it can get a hell of alot worse. But you have to ride it out. Were going to do a rogation on your head, and do some other things, but it will only help temporarily, but it will help. You need to find a way to put your Santo money together, and get it together. I want you here with us as much as possible. Can you get some sleeping medication from your doctor?"


"Madrina I got so much medictaion, but I'm afraid to take any of it."


"What kind of medication?"


I opened my bag and everything came rolling out.



"Jesus Christ, what is all this shit?"



"I don't even know what half of it is. I went to doctor and told him everything that was going on and he said I was having a nervous breakdown. He prescribed all this crap to calm me down and help me sleep. None of it works. He keeps giving me more but I just stopped taking it. Now I only take the sleeping pills. If it was'nt for the sleeping pills I would'nt sleep at all."


"Of course they told you that, typical. Take the sleeping pills, but be carefull and dont get any ideas about offing yourself or anything stupid. Cause you will think of it, it's in your signals. Just don't even go there. All kinds of crazy shit's gonna start banging around in your head. Ignore it."


"It's going to get that bad?"



"Yeah. You got some very rough signals here. But they are going to pass. There's some other stuff going on too, but we don't have to get into all of that now. The important thing is to keep your head from coming off till you can do your Santo."


"I don't know how I'm going to get money for Santo."


"Remember the consultation a year ago? I told you your Santo money was coming, it's coming to you. When it's time to do Santo you will know, and the money will come, the Orisha always brings it to you. Let's close this out and get some food into you."


She ground out her cigar and we walked to the back of the store. She and my godfather began a very animated conversation is spanish. My godfather looked at the notes from the reading and sighed.


"Aye, this is not good. Kari you need to do Santo soon. Sit down. Let's eat. Sit here Flaca."


We all sat down together and my godmother filled my godfathers plate, then mine. Beans, rice, sweet plaintains, salad. The smell of the food was making me queesy. I bit into an eggroll and gagged. They both looked at me and barked, "EAT."